Dealing with bullying
This informational piece will explain what bullying is, and what to do if you are experiencing bullying.
What is bullying?
Bullying is repeated aggressive behavior that can be physical, verbal, or relational, in-person or online. Bullies are often relentless, bullying over and over again for long periods of time. You may live in constant fear of where and when the bully will strike next, what they’ll do, and how far they’ll go.
1. Physical bullying - includes hitting, kicking, or pushing you (or even just threatening to do so), as well as stealing, hiding, or ruining your things, and hazing, harassment, or humiliation.
2. Verbal bullying – includes name-calling, teasing, taunting, insulting, or otherwise verbally abusing you.
3. Relationship bullying – includes refusing to talk to you, excluding you from groups or activities, spreading lies or rumours about you, making you do things you don’t want to do.
4. Cyberbullying - using digital technology to harass, threaten, or humiliate you. Unlike traditional forms of bullying, cyberbullying does not require face-to-face contact, physical strength or strength in numbers.
Why am I being bullied?
While there are many reasons why bullies may be targeting you, bullies tend to pick on people who are “different” or don’t fit in with the mainstream. While your individualism is something that you will celebrate later in life, it can seem like a curse when you’re young and trying to fit in. Perhaps you dress or act differently, or maybe your race, religion, or sexual orientation sets you apart. It may simply be that you’re new to the school or neighbourhood and haven’t made friends yet.
Other reasons why people bully:
To make themselves popular or to gain attention.
Because they’re jealous of you.
To look tough or feel powerful.
Because they’re being bullied themselves.
To escape their own problems.
Whatever the reasons for you being targeted, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Many of us have been bullied at some point in our lives. In fact, about 25% of children and young adults experience bullying, and as many as one third of teenagers suffer from cyberbullying at some point. But you don’t have to put up with it. There are plenty of people who can help you overcome the problem, retain your dignity, and preserve your sense of self.
How to deal with a bully
There is no simple solution to bullying or cyberbullying, or a foolproof way to handle a bully. But since bullying or cyberbullying is rarely limited to one or two incidents—it’s far more likely to be a sustained attack over a period of time—like the bully, you may have to be relentless in reporting each and every bullying incident until it stops. Remember: there is no reason for you to ever put up with any kind of bullying.
Don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault. No matter what a bully says or does, you should not be ashamed of who you are or what you feel. The bully is the person with the problem, not you.
Try to view bullying from a different perspective. The bully is an unhappy, frustrated person who wants to have control over your feelings so that you feel as badly as they do. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t make a bullying incident worse by dwelling on it or reading cyberbullying messages over and over. Instead, delete any messages and focus on the positive experiences in your life. There are many wonderful things about you so be proud of who you are.
Learn to manage stress. Finding healthy ways to relieve the stress generated by bullying can make you more resilient so you won’t feel overwhelmed by negative experiences. Exercise, meditation, positive self-talk, muscle relaxation, and breathing exercises are all good ways to cope with the stress of bullying.
Spend time doing things you enjoy. The more time you spend with activities that bring you pleasure—sports, hobbies, hanging out with friends who don’t participate in bullying, for example—the less significance bullying, or cyberbullying will have on your life.
Tips for dealing with cyberbullying
Dealing with cyberbullying is rarely easy, but there are steps you can take to cope with the problem. To start, it may be a good time to reassess your technology use. Spending less time on social media apps like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram or checking texts and emails, for example, and more time interacting with real people, can help you distance yourself from online bullies. It can also help to reduce anxiety, depression, and feelings of loneliness.
As well as seeking support, managing stress, and spending time with people and activities that bring you pleasure, the following tips can help:
· Don’t respond to any messages or posts written about you, no matter how hurtful or untrue. Responding will only make the situation worse and provoking a reaction from you is exactly what the cyberbullies want, so don’t give them the satisfaction.
· Don’t seek revenge on a cyberbully by becoming a cyberbully yourself. Again, it will only make the problem worse and could result in serious legal consequences for you. If you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t say it online.
· Save the evidence of the cyberbullying, keep abusive text messages or a screenshot of a webpage, for example, and then report them to a trusted adult. If you don’t report incidents, the cyberbully will often become more aggressive.
· Report threats of harm and inappropriate sexual messages to the police. In many cases, the cyberbully’s actions can be prosecuted by law.
· Prevent communication from the cyberbully, by blocking their email address, phone number, and deleting them from social media. Report their activities on social media or other websites they use to target you. The cyberbully’s actions may constitute a violation of the website’s terms of service or, depending on the laws in your area, may even warrant criminal charges.