Where it all begins
Children may not remember the early days of their childhood, but the comfort, warmth, and neglect that they receive during that period can shape who they become. Early bonding with parents or caregivers plays an important role in the formation of personality, managing emotions and relationships with others. Research shows that early bonding experiences influence personality traits that remain consistent throughout adulthood.
Children also learn how to feel about their emotions. When they are sad, if it is met with comfort, then it becomes something to express but if it is ignored or criticised, then it becomes something the child hides. Over time these patterns follow into adulthood. The way children are comforted influences their response to stress and coping strategies which affects resilience over time.
Early bonding shapes an individual's self worth and how they see themselves. It is not only the big moments, even small repeated actions and words can deeply impact the child. A parent saying, “I’m proud of you, no matter what,” gives confidence and sense of worth. On the other hand, hearing “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” can lead to insecurities and may lead to internal beliefs such as "I'm not good enough”. Research states that supportive caregiving leads to better emotional development and lowers vulnerability to psychological distress.
The bonds we form during childhood create patterns that shape relationships. Individuals with secure early relationships are more comfortable with intimacy, open communication, trust and resolve conflicts with understanding. In contrast, inconsistent or neglectful early experiences may lead to the adult forming fear of abandonment,insecurities, difficulty trusting others and keeping emotional distance. This can influence romantic relationships, friendships, workplace interaction with authority figures and colleagues.
Children bond with their caregivers through play. Activities like drawing, building with blocks, narrating imaginative stories and pretend play help children express their emotions and learn about the world. When caregivers play with children and respond to their needs it helps children feel valued and accepted. Through play, children learn skills like empathy, problem-solving and patience. They also learn how to follow rules, deal with failure and build resilience.
Children watch the adults in their lives. They imitate their caregivers. They see how adults interact with others, express their emotions and react to situations. Children learn by imitating the behavior of their caregivers. If a caregiver admits when they make a mistake a child learns that it is okay to make mistakes and that they do not have to be perfect. Simple things like hugs, asking about a child's day, and spending time together can help children grow emotionally.
Given the lasting impact of early bonding, small changes in parenting can make real differences. Being emotionally available is important. Caregivers need to listen attentively, validate their child’s feelings and be fully present, this helps the child feel secure and understood. Caregivers should support children by encouragement and recognising effort . Children should be provided independence and the freedom to explore, be curious, make mistakes and learn from experiences. Creating routines, such as bedtime and mealtime helps with consistency and stability. Caregivers must respect a child's individuality and not compare them with others.
Early bonding does not define a person's entire future. People can grow and change their patterns over time. However, early experiences are important because sometimes the way we were once treated becomes the way we learn to treat ourselves, until we choose to do differently.